Here's a painful syndrome caused by overexposure to the plastic surgeon's waiting-room. One of its most common symptoms, currently observable in New York especially, is an urge to get the fat sucked out of your backside and injected into the balls of your feet - an area that spitefully sheds weight as you speed past 40 - because heels are just, so, you know, empowering.
OK, last things first. If you need a shoe to empower you, there's something very wrong. There's something doubly wrong in summer. On a beach. Even the stylist Rachel Zoe understands this. So did Jackie O, who transformed the flat Capri sandal into a global export that still sells today. Think of any genuinely glamorous beachy moment in recent history and you'll find, at the epicentre, a flat sandal. It doesn't just look feminine, it works - with bikinis, sundresses and jeans.
The investment dresser: skinny jeans
Elle Macpherson wears flat sandals with long, lavish evening dresses, for a dose of laid-back, what-this-old-couture insouciance. She's tall, but it's not a prerequisite. Especially on holiday. The real genius of a flat shoe, other than allowing you to walk and run (now that's empowering) is that you can bling it up without looking overdone.
I've been to Capri, got the sandals, watched them making them to order. It was fun. I've also been to the Manolo Blahnik sale and bought his flats - gorgeous strappy things that take almost too long to do up, but are worth the effort - with springy soles that obviate the need for injections, NHS or otherwise.
But cheap is good, too. Last year's Boden's, £8 in the sale, work just fine and the fringe nicely camouflages a bunion. Yes, genetics and foolish choices in the past have made me a strap connoisseur: I want wide enough to disguise, not so wide as to look orthopaedic.
Build a repertoire - flats hardly date. Resole new ones in rubber immediately. Even the expensive ones have skinny soles: an example of something that can be too thin.
From left: Black leather, £150; Kat Maconie katmaconie.com , Tan leather and glitter, £75; Carvela 0845 257 2571, Gold leather, £565; Manolo Blahnik 020 7352 3863
Via: The investment dresser: flat sandals
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